Thanks for posting this! :) I love to see long-time members posting new fics.

I'm going to leave a critique that is a lot closer to what I'd normally give in a F2F critique group-- and I don't do this for everybody! ;)

I think there are a LOT of possibilities here, and a lot that works. You have a great structure. Many of the basics really work. There are strengths and weaknesses in your writing, but all writers have areas they could improve. I think that the areas in your writing that could be improved are the easiest kind of fix.

Here's more about what I mean.

The two most important questions to ask about any piece of writing are: (okay, IMHO, but I've been in a LOT of writers' groups for a LONG time...)

What do the main characters want?

and

Does the author make us *care* about what they want?

A lot of basic writing issues could be resolved by making sure that these two questions have clear answers. That's what I'm always trying to get across in F2F writers' groups, because very few "literary" writers have learned what fanfic authors know. Most of the authors in my F2F groups have an amazing command of the English language. There just isn't anything to criticize when it comes to their use of imagery, metaphor, description, sentence mechanics, avoidance of cliches, etc etc etc. However, the basic structure of their fics tends to lack the coherency and clarity it needs. As readers, we never really know what their characters want, and we don't much care.

I think that what you have is the opposite set of issues. Your writing could be "prettier"-- more elegant, less clunky, and so forth. But you have the structure DOWN. Many, many writers who have mastered the *mechanics* of writing simply don't understand how the *structure* of storytelling works. In your fic, we understand exactly what's happening, why both Draco and Ginny make the choices that they do, the flaws that may undermine the choices they've made, and the issues that lie in the future. Draco's made a "noble" choice-- rare for him-- but it may backfire. There was clearly no guarantee that Ginny would be left in peace if he dropped her. Lucius may decide that if Draco could be content without Ginny, then it might be wiser to get rid of her-- that action would obviously please Voldemort. So we know what all of the characters want, and we care what they want. You know how to write those vital aspects of a narrative, and that's a gift.

So... PLEASE keep perfecting your craft and submitting your work! :) The OFIC forums will be up soon, and I think that's a project that you might want to be involved with. Most fanfic authors understand the basics of writing as few "literary" authors really do... it's a strength that we all need to build on.