I really do apologize for this. Seriously, I do. All I can say is, well nothing really. I think I’ll go hide now. Oh, and if there’s anyone out there who wants to me to abandon my wicked ways of bad fanfiction please feel free to help me.


Overheard at a questionable eatery …

“No.”

“What?”

“No”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Easy – no, dearest, you cannot go out with him, attempt to see any husband material in him, and moan to me later about what a failure the date was.”

“I don’t do that!”

“Ginny darling, don’t lie or I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.”

“Okay, maybe I do, but come on! He’s handsome and rich – what’s wrong with that?”

“Em…he’s gay.”

“No he’s n- wait, how would you know?”

“Darling, we’ve discussed this before, you know - it’s the gaydar.”

“Draco, you do not have a gaydar- you’re straight, remember?”

“Of course ma cherie, but with an allure like mine, it’s a necessary thing.”

“Why, so you can tell if the guy chatting you up is gay or straight?”

“I’m still amazed you didn’t get the role of the Gryffindor jester – it was rather wasted on Ronald.”

“I, on the other hand, was not at all surprised when you were announced as the greatest sexual fiend in Hogwarts history.”

“Ahh yes, great days, great lays.”

“Bless you precious, but a bit of rough and tumble with Crabbe and Goyle doesn’t exactly make you sex god of the century.”

“Speaking from experience, Ginny dear?”

“Only yours, sweetheart.”

“Fuck off.”

“No darling, the proper words are jerk off, but of course you would know that better than anyone else right?”

“Ginny, please, we’re in public; keep your fantasies to yourself. Merlin, now even asexual girls fancy me!”

“Draco don’t be so mean about Millie – it’s not her fault she has bad taste in men, you know.”

“Creevey will be glad to know you actually had something nice to say about his wife.”

“Poor boy, once you marry a girl there’s just no escape.”

“Don’t start crying again Ginny, we’ve already sent our condolences.”

“Yes, but it breaks my heart to see Neville pining over him like that still.”

“Dearest, don’t be so melodramatic –you and I both know you have no heart.”

“Hmm, yes, but it’s nice to pretend sometimes.”

“Maybe because you’re psychologically unstable and totally delusional?”

“No darling- that’s you – I’m just an eccentric megalomaniac living with a human of questionable birth.”

“Now that’s just not nice! I’m a bastard and my parents can prove it!”

“So sorry dear, I keep forgetting.”

“It’s quite alright- happens to me all the time. Will you be home by five?”

“Probably, but Mike from accounts might want one last quickie.”


Overheard, yet again…

“No.”

“What?”

“No.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“No you cannot go out with him, fake it, and come home and get sloshed.”

“Merlin! This one’s gay too?

“No, he’s definitely having it on with the secretary.”

“Ahh yes, I see it now. So, give me a good reason why I can’t shag him?”

“Because you have a fucking sexy boyfriend, and trust me, you don’t want to mess this up.”

“Lucky me- I never knew.”

“Yes well, as soon as I pay this cheque, I’m tossing you over my shoulder, taking you home and shagging you until kingdom come.”

“At last! My bastard has arrived.”

“I’ll make an honest slapper of you yet, sweetheart.”

“Draco?”

“Yes?”

“Shut the fuck up and ravish me!”