She Knows

Dreams following me
Whispering to me
Playing along my skin,
Reminding me of what I have done
Retelling the tale again and again
Of my weakness-
My choice-
My betrayal to all that I had known,
All for the touch of soft flesh against mine
The chance to wake
And see fiery locks spread
Around the pillows
For forbidden kisses
In dark corridors,
And stolen whispers
That declare an undying love

And when I walk to my death,
The death she doesn’t know of,
The death I gave myself
When I made my choice,
I will be happy-
For I had something perfect,
Something angelic,
That I loved
And was loved back by:
She whom I cannot bear to tell,
Whom I cannot look at
As I walk away for the last time

And then she is there,
Before me, and I have to look.
Her smile haunting me,
The touch of her soft hand on my shoulder-
That one act of kindness,
That one moment of beauty,
That whiff of something fragrant-
It lifts my soul,
Rending my eyes with briny tears
That hauntingly kind look,
amid failure and sadness
And guilt and blame-
That one smile
Like she knows

and she takes my hand in hers
and walks with me
towards the door
towards our death
and then I know
that she had seen this all along
and her step never falters-
not even when met
with my father's cool gray eyes
so like my own-
for as we exit this corporeal world,
we enter eternity together