Choices

Draco was alone when he heard the knock on the solid oak door. It had been raining all day, and the steady cadence hitting the windows had comforted him as he’d been left alone in the dark house. Snape wasn’t due back for hours, so the first thing Draco thought of was, what kind of idiotic wretch would choose to be outside on a night like that.

He supposed, when he was thinking rationally, that ‘choice’ had very little to do with why people did things sometimes. He was the prime example of being a victim of fate. Choices had never come easy for him, and though Draco would never admit it, he had done things when there seemed like there was no choice to be made at all… and perhaps he’d been wrong about a lot of things. The fact that he had felt like there had been no choice at the time seemed less important when he looked around Snape’s gloomy ancestral home and thought back on what had brought him there in the first place.

He’d been afraid. There, he said it. It seemed like the whole year he’d been terrified. Sometimes he’d been worried about what would happen if his ‘mission’ failed. What would happen to his family, to his mother? But most of the time his stomach churned at the possibility of what would happen to her if he succeeded. He still dreamt about that horror, even months later, dreamt about the green light at the top of the Astronomy tower and what the reality of it actually meant for them. It still made him sick.

That same old feeling of fear returned as walked to the front entrance of the only place he’d been safe in years. Snape’s home had been a refuge, and though Draco hadn’t wanted to open the door, there was just something that compelled him, that urged him to, despite the flare of something in the back of his mind telling him that whatever was on the other side of that door would be his downfall.

He opened the door slightly, and when the unexpected visitor pulled back her rain-soaked hood revealing blood-red hair, he knew it. Their destinies had always been meant to intertwine until it consumed one of them. She had always had too much fire to be the one who was lost.

They stood there in silence when, without a word, she brushed his cheek with the back of her hand and dropped a small silver coin in his before letting her amber eyes turn up to his face.

“I’ve missed you, Draco," she whispered, before backing up into the rain and allowing the darkness to devour her once again.

~~

Draco laid back and stared at the ceiling. He was purposefully ignoring the coin burning in his pocket. As much as he wanted to believe her, Draco knew she was not to be trusted... not anymore. She’d made her choice.

"You betrayed me." His voice was cold. There was nothing left but hurt covered by a thin film of indifference. He wouldn't even look at her. She deserved no such notice. Trying to walk past her back into the school, the small curvy girl quickly moved to block his path.

"What could I do, Draco? I had to do it.”

She sounded like every word pained her, but he didn't care; his silent glare was unable to keep her quiet.

“Well? What did you expect me to do with that information? Keep it to myself? Let them walk into a trap?”

Unable to keep his thoughts back, he finally spoke succinctly. "I expected you to stay the hell away from the Ministry that night! The only reason I told you was to keep you safe. You’d think that after a year of ‘this’,” he gestured to the two of them, “that you would realize that I am neither noble nor self-sacrificing. I was being selfish, wanting the one person I needed to breathe to be safe and as far away from my father as possible. You made a choice... you just chose them. You’ve always chosen them and I should have known it, but I was a fool. Well, I’m done with being your puppet. Now, get out of my way, Weasley."

She hadn't moved. "They're my family. My friends, Drac-"

Finally his temper flared as he interrupted her, "They're your friends." He'd sneered, showing her exactly how he'd felt about that concept. "I loved you. That should have meant something."

Ginny's eyes had widened. He had never said the words. Not in the entire year they'd been together, hiding in corridors and snogging in broom cupboards. He'd always meant them... always felt it, but his own pride and cowardice had kept him from saying them. Now he spoke them as though it was something he hated within himself. It was something he hated within himself.
Ginny tried to grab his sleeve but he pushed passed her, shaking her hand off. He’d only taken a few steps when he stopped and turned around swiftly. He didn’t say a word; he just drew something out of the pocket of his trousers.

“Draco, I-“

He just shook his head as he flipped the coin toward her, letting it fall at Ginny’s feet before turning his back and walking away from her.

Remembering that hurt more than being alone, and Draco lay his head hard against the pillow, closing his eyes against the world. He wasn’t going to do it again. She couldn’t summon him and expect him to be there. She couldn’t play games like this and expect him to just fall into line and bend over backwards to please her. It had been over a year since Umbridge’s office and she’d made her choice. It wasn’t him. It had never been him. He wasn’t going to do it again!

~~

“He won’t answer me,” a small voice echoed in the dark room. All eyes seemed to be on her and it was obvious she didn’t want this kind of attention.

“You said you could get through to him,” a second voice answered sharply. “Didn’t you say he loved you? I was under the impression that you were going to use that to get him here. We need him in order to use the wand, Ginny.”

Ginny Weasley grimaced. “Don’t you think I know that, Harry? What do you want me to do? Go back to Snape’s house and drag him out by his hair? The Death Eaters are looking for him too, and it’s not like I have any sway over him-”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it, Ginny. Did you think that I wouldn’t put all the pieces together? There has always been something coming between us, and if I’d known it was that bastard then I really would have killed him in that bathroom last ye-“

The room cracked with the sound of her hand against his face.

Harry touched his cheek and stared at his former girlfriend in shock.

Ginny flipped her long hair behind her and gave him a hard look. “I will bring him here. I’ll get you the Elder Wand, even if it means I have to kill him to do it, but I won’t hear you speak of him that way ever again. I know how important this mission is... but I just won’t. I’ve given up too much for you already, Harry Potter.”

She didn’t even try to stop the door from slamming behind her as she walked out of the house serving as the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. She understood better than most the importance of defeating Voldemort, she’d been possessed by the madman after all. It wasn’t as though that was something she could forget, but she would be damned if Harry-bleeding-Potter would abuse her memories, regardless of the importance of the mission. Harry was so full of prejudice and hate that it would never occur to him that they could be anything but bitter memories. There were so many that she and Draco shared that were beautiful.

”You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“I’m not, Weasley,” Draco said with a smirk, “It’s a well-known fact that Malfoy men are irresistible. I’m not surprised that you’re mad about me. I’d be surprised if you weren’t actually.” He was leaning against the back of the chair in the library after catching her alone at last.

“Oh please! I’ve met your father. He’s a twat! Malfoy men, indeed! I think you’ve just made me ill, Draco.” With a smirk that rivalled a Slytherin’s, she stuck her hand-me-down quill behind her ear and leaned back on her elbows against the table top. “Isn’t it you who keeps bumping into me? I find it hard to believe you’re that fascinated in ancient Roman studies. Wasn’t it you that said that they were a barmy bunch of idiots who didn’t know how to dress?”

“Well, they wear airy dresses and fig leaves in their hair. You tell me if that doesn’t sound a little light footed? And besides that, I’m very interested in Roman studies. Well, in girls who study Roman studies, anyway; does that count?”

“You are, are you?” Ginny withheld a laugh as he leaned into her and raised his hand to her cheek.

“Very interested,” he said softly before he kissed her right there in the library.

Ginny sat down in Grimmauld’s garden. Her hand running through her hair and worry clear on her face. She wasn’t sure if she could go through with Harry’s plan. They needed Draco, and if he wasn’t willing to cooperate with them then drastic measures would have to be taken. She’d already made an Unbreakable Vow to be a part of it... but how was she going to go along with anything like that? She loved him.

Sighing, she grabbed the silver coin she’d carried since she’d designed them and punched in another time and location to meet, hoping that he would see reason and not only meet with her but consent to turn over possession of the Elder Wand.

~~

Draco ran his fingers over the hard silver and forced himself not to listen to her summons. Though it could have been any coin, he knew she’d found the exact one he’d thrown at her after she’d made her choice and set the bats on his face the year before. It felt the same, the same weight as the one he’d carried for almost a year. He’d handled it often enough that even without looking at it, he just knew.

It had been a brilliant piece of magic, even when he found out that it had been the Mudblood who had done it first for their little ‘club’. He’d never been prouder for falling for a Muggle-loving Weasley than he had been at that moment. A Protean Charm when she was in fourth year, and better yet, she’d used her pilfered bit of magic to spend time with him.

Memories of her, how she felt in his arms, the little noises she made as he kissed her, and the exact colour of her eyes looking up at him flooded his mind. He remembered the day she’d given him the coin. He’d been plundering her mouth selfishly behind their favourite tapestry - the one just to the left of the statue of Marcus Didius on the fourth floor next to the library – and he must have said something because she’d pulled away to look him in the eye, shock clearly registering on her face.

“You’d want to see me... like see me in other places other than behind tapestries and under library shelves?” Her voice had been incredulous.

Considering the fact that he hadn’t really heard his own words spill what was obviously running through his head, even Draco was a little shocked at his admission. Though he had an excuse - there was only so much Polyjuicing into that ponce of a Ravenclaw ‘boyfriend’ of hers that he could take before going completely barmy after all. He was, for possibly the first time in his life, a little lost for words, so he just gaped at her like a goldfish, opening and closing his mouth a few times.

Ginny grinned at him when she realized that he was unable to answer her. “I have a solution then.” And she’d handed him the coin. It had been that easy.

It had always been she who’d set up their meetings. The coin had burned in his pocket and he’d always just been where she’d said to meet when she said to meet. At first, it had been ‘just until I tell them about Michael’ but as the year had progressed, Draco knew he was a dirty little secret and that she was never going to tell her family and friends. That the silver coin was her way of having what she wanted without any risk whatsoever. You’d think that wouldn’t have bothered him… it wasn’t like he was overly anxious to let his parents know about his most recent red-headed interest either, but still, it had pricked his pride. Imagine, him the secret!

He tried not to let it bother him, even when he realized that it was her pulling his strings like a puppet-master. There were times when the thoughts came unwittingly to him that he was getting far too involved in what she called ‘a bit of fun and intrigue’ and at times like those he wanted to quit her then and there, but he never did.

~~

Draco ran his hands through his hair as he opened the door again. He was telling himself he ought to be proud of himself. He’d prevailed - he hadn’t gone running when she’d called him and yet, here she stood in front of him and a tiny part of his cold heart warmed seeing her.

When her face remained solemn, it became obvious that Draco had been right not to answer her calls. It was clear as crystal - they needed him for something. If they hadn’t then she would never have magically reappeared in his life. The Ginny Weasley he’d fallen in love with would have never come back to him for any other reason. He’d been too cold to her and her pride wouldn’t have allowed her to condescend to come to him.

She wasn’t supposed to come to him. Meeting with her again was never his intention, had never been his plan. He was going to ignore her for the rest of his life, to put her out of his thoughts completely. Really he was. She wasn’t supposed to mean anything to him any more. She wasn’t supposed to… but clearly she did, so he let her through the door with a defeated sigh.

He knew as soon as she walked into the room that something had changed within her. He was still in tune with her enough to notice. The way she moved wasn’t as carefree and her brown eyes… they were bleak. Yes, it was wartime, but that hadn’t been the thing to change her. There was something else – he could just sense it – and he had a hard time believing that it hadn’t anything to do with him.

“You didn’t come,” she said briefly. “The coin. I thought you’d come to me.”

“Did you?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “I wonder what would have made you think that after the way we left things.”

“It doesn’t have to be this way. It can be like it was, Draco.”

“I don’t want things the way they were,” he said without a hint of remorse and she nodded sadly to herself.

They stood there in silence until finally Draco spoke up wearily, “What do you really want of me, Ginny? Why are we here? And don’t say it’s because you miss what we had. We both know that’s rubbish.” He tried not to cringe as he said her name. He hadn’t ever planned on speaking her name again for as long as he lived and it physically hurt to do so.

Draco turned his back on her, looking out the window to await her answer. Choices had made them what they were and he would be damned if her choices were going to drag him under again. He would fight every urge he had to wrap his arms around her; he wouldn’t let her suck him back into being that same pathetic boy. Too much time had passed - too many choices had been made.

Silence enveloped them again until he turned around and caught her eye. It seemed that that was all it took, her voice came out barely above a whisper, “They want you. Harry says they need you. We’ve all been assigned to find you and bring you in.” She tried walking toward him, to touch his arm – anything that would make him real to her once again – but he winced when she raised her hand so she stopped herself. “They need the wand, and you are the only one who can give it to them. They need you to come in before he finds out about you.”

“My wand? What has it to do with anything?” His mind was reeling from the word she’d used. Assigned. He backed away from her a bit but couldn’t take his eyes off her face. “What can’t the Dark Lord find out about? He already knows I’m a failure, what in Salazar’s name can interest him about my wand?”

“Well, not your wand,” Ginny explained slowly, obviously measuring every word before deciding to just share it all. She’d trusted him once and he’d repaid her by trying to save her, it was enough to believe that he could know the truth... at least most of it. “They’ve been trying to understand what He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would want with Professor Dumbledore’s wand because he’s been sending his Death Eaters on mission after mission for it. He’s been trying to take it from the Order and we can’t let that happen. You are our only hope.”

Draco ran his hand loosely through his blond locks, now getting far longer than his mother would have ever allowed. Her words weren’t making sense and he couldn’t make sense their meaning. “Wait, they already have the wand? It’s not mine? Can’t Professor Werewolf-or-whatever figure it out then? What does it have to do with me? And what does this whole thing have to do with me? “

Ginny bowed her head. “You disarmed him,” she said barely above a whisper. “By right, it’s your wand. They need you so Harry can take possession of it. It won’t work properly for him unless he is the sole master of it.”

Draco rolled his eyes. “Lovely! Potter! I give him possession of the wand and then what? I’m to let him curse my arse back to the dark ages? I don’t think so!” he said with a belligerent sneer as he finally found the chair and leaned back. “And why aren’t you taking me in then? You are one of them after all. Why haven’t you just Stunned me and levitated me back to your little friends then?”

Ginny’s face was flushed. She looked like she was fighting to say something but instead she just moved toward him, hoping that he wouldn’t back away again.

Draco was losing the battle with himself as she moved closer and closer to him. The longer they were alone together, the more he wanted to hold her. She was broken – had clearly seen things in the war that even he didn’t want to think about – and something deep inside him that told him not to trust her was pushed aside when his arms rose of their own accord and pulled her against his chest.

“That’s the only reason you came then?” he whispered down to her. “Your ‘Order’ needed someone to bring big bad Malfoy in and you volunteered for the job, or was there more, Gin?” He was afraid of the answer but he had to know. He brushed a thumb across her cheek as he inhaled her old familiar scent.

“I wanted to see you one more time,” she said softly into his chest.

“One more time?” Draco stopped and pulled back to look at her, his eyebrow raised and his heart returning to the permanent state of blankness that it had been since he’d lost her.

“One more time, Malfoy,” Harry Potter said from the newly opened door and Draco inwardly groaned. “Now, you can get your hands off her and turn over possession of this bloody thing so we can get out of here.”

Draco turned back immediately and glared at the other boy. He let Ginny go and took a step back. “What makes you think I’d give it to you, Potter? What if I were to give the wand over to the Dark Lord? As far as I understand it would be completely within my power.”

Harry’s green eyes sparked and he looked as though he was about to spit venom at the blond boy. “I should have known you would suggest something like that, Ferret. Touch the thing so I can disarm you.”

“I won’t.” He wasn’t above being belligerent. There was no way he was going to let Potter win this one.

Harry turned to Ginny and nodded. She pulled out of Draco’s arms completely before whispering, “Please don’t make me do this.”

“I’ve never made you do anything, Gin,” Draco said quietly as he watched the other Order members join them. It was clear that he was not giving in. He’d made his choice.

~~

Draco couldn't help it. His first reaction was to clutch his chest. He looked down and stared at his wet hands as he spit out the blood that was filling his mouth. It wasn't supposed to end this way.

Grey eyes looked around the room, seeking her out among the many. Her flaming hair matched the red on his hands. Her eyes were sad, full of tears unshed, but still she stood there with the rest of them, blood-stained knives in their hands.

You too? Draco shook his head as he felt his back hit against the wall. She’d actually done it too. Her eyes were hollow. They looked empty and lost but that didn’t change the fact that she still stood there with them, that she’d been a part of this alternate plan. She'd made her final choice and it obviously wasn't him. He wasn't surprised, but that didn't stop the hurt.

The world seemed to slow down, everything blurred images and things fading. He managed to keep his eyes trained on her pale face. Their eyes locked in one final battle, and they stayed that way as he slid down the wall, one hand holding his chest, the other grasping the silver replica of Caesar Augustus in his pocket. His mind focused solely on her, as he choked out, “I’ll miss you,” before the world went black.

The last thing he did was let the coin fall to the floor.

The End