COMPLETE! Strolling through Diagon Alley Lucius Malfoy comes across a little boy who could have been Draco's twin. Has his family tree been expanded, without his knowledge? Has Draco been keeping secrets? Or is he oblivious to the fact that he may have an heir?Category: Long and Completed
Hi,
Just to get this out of the way - I think you're a great writer, and your grasp of family situations and relationships are uncannily accurate!
However, as enjoyable as your story was to read (at least for the first half), I felt you repeated yourself and dragged the story out in some sections. Not all, mind, but things like the repeated discoveries while on the verge of kissing etc were a tad irksome after a while. Overall, although I think your writing is good, pruning the story down so it didn't drag out so much at the end would have improved it.
I assume this is supposed to be OOC, so I won't take you to task about Draco/Lucius's fluffiness etc, but the fact Ginny was a stay-at-home mother, and a clone of Mrs Weasley, annoyed me in places too: I see her as a little more independent. Also, although Drake and Angel were accurate representations of small children, they were just as aggravating if not more so to the reader than to Draco and Ginny at times!
Those were just some minor criticisms. There were many good points, and this is definitely one of the only Harry/Hermione fics I could read without vomiting, and I like that you didn't make Pansy desperate or a whore! Overall, congratulations on a generally well-written story.
sincerely,
Riddle.
Author's Response: Thanks.
There aren't nearly enough stories about Ginny manipulating Draco. Smut lovers be sure to keep an eye out for scenes in the rain and a classroom. You're welcome.Category: Long and Completed
Funny and a great read, I loved it! Well done
Riddle Xx
"It was a war, and he was determined to see her back down first." ~ Written for the D/G smutakkah 2006.Category: Completed Short Stories
Love it. Really good banter, as in character as D/G can be, and hot, imaginative sex! Well done!
Riddle Xx
Can Draco convince Ginny to take what she wants?Category: Works in Progress
Absolutely amazing!
Author's Response: Thanks :D