on Feb 17, 2009 12:51 pm
it's turning out melodramatic. your prose is too casual to be putting in lines from the original ballad in it, like the "ghostly galleon" stuff. it's out of place. and at points you have waayy too much information, like with how Ron broke. the story's about Ginny and Draco, and you don't need it unless Ron's going to be the Tim of the story, in which case why would her own brother give them away? unless he had a fit, where he didn't know what he was doing and so on....but even then I'd think it'd be too much. sometimes simplicity can be more powerful than graphic descriptions.
I think the biggest problem is that you're trying to adapt the story to the ballad, when you should be adapting the ballad to the story. for example, they don't have to have red coats. they can just be an "ominous cloud of marching blackness" or something I dunno. use your literary license :)
on Feb 16, 2009 01:28 pm
Real good start, this feels like it's goin to be a great fic!
on Feb 16, 2009 01:20 pm
oh my god i love that poem!!! have you heard the song for it? its great.
here it is:
so far, everything sounds perfect. keep writing, it should turn out great.
Author's Response: yes! I love that song, I was on my way home listening to this and thought about DG in relation to it.
on Feb 16, 2009 09:42 am
I love it so far, "The Highwayman" has always been one of my favorite poems and I'm glad to see someone writing a fic to it. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: The Lorena Mckennit song version of this has been my relaxation song about six years, but I haven't thought to connect it to DG till now. Thanks for the review!