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mt0414

I really enjoyed the description (as much as one can enjoy a sad story, ya know?). As there is no thanks posted at the beginning of the chapter, I would assume that you don't have a beta. The story doesn't have tons of errors, but it has a few. For example: "Draco and the rest of the ushers slowly made their way to the grave sight and sat the casket down, above a whole in the ground. Draco stared at the whole." First, a grave doesn't have sight because to have sight you must be able to see. A grave does, however, have a site. Also, there cannot be a whole in the ground. We have whole milk, the whole nine yards, etc. The ground can have a hole in it. I'm also not quite sure, but I think you have a comma splice. Also, it's not necessary but, in my personal opinion, it is part of literary integrity to post a disclaimer.

I hope the constructive criticism helped and I'm off to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you for that! You're right, I don't have a beta but I'm looking for one. I'm glad that you pointed that our to me and I am going to change it immediatly. Thanks!

Omg, you have me in tears. I lost my step-father in a car accident last year so I know what it feels to lose. And just the thought of never being able to hold my boyfriend again, never hear his voice; I don't know how I'd survive...

Wow that was good, it made me cry.