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Disclaimer: Everything Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Behind These Hazel Eyes belong to Kelly Clarkson.
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She glided out into the ballroom, clad in a simple dress with silvery streaks. Her fiery red hair hung in glossy locks down her back, and her cinnamon eyes were thoughtful.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
This was the ball commemorating the 5th year since the defeat of Voldemort. Harry Potter received cheers everywhere, blushing horribly and being led around by his wife, Hermione Granger. Ginny looked around and smiled when she saw all six of her brothers there, their red hair easily distinguishing them in the crowd. All of the Weasleys joked and mingled, the occasional pink sparks shooting up from the area where Fred and George were standing. Everyone had found wives and moved on in life after Voldemort… everyone but her. She quietly made her way to the refreshments table, where Ron was challenging Seamus Finnegan to a round of Who-can-get-drunk-the-fastest.
She smiled as members of the Order warmly shook hands. Greeting several people warmly, she sipped a pineapple cocktail and settled for sitting in a chair and watching her friends dance. Old friends from Hogwarts entered as Ginny spotted Lavender Brown and Dean Thomas slip in through the front door. Colin Creevey enthusiastically snapped pictures from the side of the ballroom, and a silver-blond head wove its way through the crowd.
A silver-blond head...
Her eyes flickered back to the spot, and memories whirled back to her as Draco Malfoy stood there, politely chatting to her father, the Minister of Magic. His impeccable gray robes brought out the stunning silver of his eyes, and Ginny noted that he had become more muscular and less of the scrawny Slytherin she had once known. Had it really been five years already? She could still feel his hot breath in her ear, his long fingers roaming her skin…
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
A memory flashed by her eyes, how she had once been the “spunkiest little Gryffindor”, channeling Gryffindor courage to help fight in the Ministry in fourth year and at Hogwarts in fifth. She had once been Ginevra Weasley, fastest Chaser that the Gryffindor Quidditch team had seen for half a century, rebellious, mischievous, and almost as good as Hermione at Potions, much to the disappointment of Snape.
But what was she now? She was still Ginevra Weasley, the shell of her former life; she was still the girl everyone knew from Hogwarts – or the one everyone thought they knew.
Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
She had missed him so much – missed the way he hugged her, missed the way he looked at her after she said something particularly clever (or stupid, for that matter), missed the way he teased her and kissed her – she missed him.
How was it that he could make her feel so secure, just by holding her in his arms? Just by hugging her, his chin propped on her hair, his arm around her shoulder, he had made her feel special – as if there was no one else. As if she was the only girl that existed.
And she loved it.
Now I can’t breathe
No, I can’t sleep
I’m barely hanging on
Her breath still hitched just at the mere thought of him – and then she would rebuke herself for being such a schoolgirl. Her thoughts at night were wracked with memories of him, and when she actually slept, her dreams clouded over with him, his disfigured head floating in an endless space, the trademark smirk wiped off, replaced by the smile always reserved for her. And she would reach out – praying that her fingers would interlock with his – but she would wake up, curled into a ball, shivering.
Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
He was her confidante. She had run to him when she wanted to cry, when she needed someone who would listen to her, and care about her. And he had listened – his eyes thoughtful as he stroked her hair and whispered hopeful thoughts that brightened her day.
And then her world shattered.
Now all that’s left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
“So, Draco. This is the girl that you’ve... chased after this year.” Blaise Zabini’s eyes were filled with mirthless laughter as he stood face-to-face with Ginny, both their wands pointed and ready to aim. The war was horrifying and gruesome. Harry was off in the middle of it, locked in a deadly battle with Voldemort, and around her, members of the Order of Phoenix were fighting Death Eaters.
She was panting, trying to catch her breath – wondering what Draco would say. Please...
Draco looked down at Ginny from the tip of his pointed nose, and his gray eyes frosted over with disgust. “Zabini, why would I see such a foul creature that enjoys the company of Mudbloods? And a Weasley to boot.”
“I – ” Ginny’s mouth fell open, and the way he was looking at her – as though she were a piece of filth on his robes – made her heart ache just to look at him.
Zabini smiled, thin lips curled in a sneer, and raised his wand to perform the Killing Curse.
So this is how I die... Ginny thought miserably. Next to the person I thought I loved – the person I thought would defend me at all costs.
“Expelliarmus!” Ginny hissed before Zabini could say anything, feeling rage pour through her – but she couldn’t think of any spell to use other than the Disarming Spell. His wand flew into her hand, and she stood above him, wand pointed at his throat, and Petrified him.
Meeting Draco’s eyes one last time, she slowly snapped Zabini’s wand in half, pocketed her own, and walked away from him.
She didn’t hear the words that he said next.
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
It was pathetic, really, the way she had been when she got back to Hogwarts – after Harry had finally killed Voldemort. He haunted her dreams for months afterward, and made her flush when she looked at him.
He means nothing to me... she repeated, over and over again. What followed was determination.
She would never let him see how she felt. She would live life to its fullest – if only to prove to him that she could survive perfectly well without him.
Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Ginny became an Auror after Hogwarts, and was sent on a mission to find Death Eaters – any Death Eaters that had survived the war with Voldemort.
Hesitantly, she stepped into the hideout, wand raised and ready, when she heard a shuffling noise inside.
Someone was already inside, running his hands along the remains of robes, analyzing the filth and dirt in the place.
“Ginny,” he whispered, voice strangled, hair disheveled.
I’m not going to show him how much I care...
... I really should kill him...
She raised her wand, ready to hex him, and then her eyes locked with his. Reaching out slowly, he grasped her hand, his long fingers dancing on her smooth palm – but she pushed him away abruptly, brushing imaginary dust off her robes and turning away as if he didn’t exist.
I’m not going to cry... she repeated, eyes welling up.
And she turned and Apparated away before he could see the tears spill out onto her cheeks.
Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Ginny stood at the ball, memories flooding through her mind, and a voice cut into her ear.
“Dance?”
Draco watched her keenly, silver eyes pleading for forgiveness, hand on hers. Say yes...
“Thanks, but I’d rather not,” she whispered, looking away so he wouldn’t see her eyes.
As if in slow motion, she walked outside the ballroom to the balcony, sitting on a chair – still holding her pineapple cocktail.
The luminous moon shone down on her skin, and she felt peaceful for a moment---until she felt silver eyes boring into her head. Without looking, she gave an odd half-grin to nobody in particular and addressed him.
“You know---at Hogwarts, I used to think that the war would end, only Voldemort and his true followers would die, and Harry’s side would win. I imagined getting married and having maybe two or three kids – two girls, one boy – with blond hair and brown eyes. But…dreams don’t always come true, do they?”
“I—“
“I loved you, Draco,” Ginny murmured, her voice slightly cracking, and the knuckles gripping the glass steadily turning white. “But you didn’t love me back. Funny how these things happen.” It was said as a statement, not a question.
“I---I never said that.”
Ginny whipped around to face him. “You had the nerve to tell Zabini that you hated me, despised me, thought of me equal to a Mudblood! If that’s love --- I love you too!”
“But I can explain---“
“Don’t bother, there isn’t an explanation. Obviously I’ve always thought of you the wrong way.” Ginny shook her head, her sheet of red hair hanging like a curtain over her face. A lone tear slipped down her cheek, and she looked at the stars, hoping he wouldn’t see the tear – but at the same time hoping he would, hoping that he would gently brush the tear away and kiss the place where it had fallen just as he had so many years ago. “You’re not the person I thought you were. I thought you would love me, thought you would defend me – I thought you were someone else. Nothing good ever comes from thinking too much, does it?” Her voice was harsher than she had meant it to be, her head ached, and her heart felt like a cracked lump of cold, hard stone.
“I wish I could love you and live the life we had before, but there’s no way that could happen.”
His eyes were closed, mouth in a straight line. You’ll never understand...
Finally opening his eyes, Draco gazed at her for a few minutes, his hand outstretched, before he shook his head as if to clear it. She heard the click of the doorknob as the warmth and light from inside spilled through.
And then he paused, and looked at her – and she dared to hope, hope against hope that he would love her again. “The thing I said to Zabini---It was a façade. If I had said the latter, both of us would have been killed. But I guess you just don’t understand.”
Another rush of wind, and the door closed. Draco was gone.
A pineapple cocktail shattered on the balcony and tears spilled onto the floor.
fin
--------------------------------------
She glided out into the ballroom, clad in a simple dress with silvery streaks. Her fiery red hair hung in glossy locks down her back, and her cinnamon eyes were thoughtful.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
This was the ball commemorating the 5th year since the defeat of Voldemort. Harry Potter received cheers everywhere, blushing horribly and being led around by his wife, Hermione Granger. Ginny looked around and smiled when she saw all six of her brothers there, their red hair easily distinguishing them in the crowd. All of the Weasleys joked and mingled, the occasional pink sparks shooting up from the area where Fred and George were standing. Everyone had found wives and moved on in life after Voldemort… everyone but her. She quietly made her way to the refreshments table, where Ron was challenging Seamus Finnegan to a round of Who-can-get-drunk-the-fastest.
She smiled as members of the Order warmly shook hands. Greeting several people warmly, she sipped a pineapple cocktail and settled for sitting in a chair and watching her friends dance. Old friends from Hogwarts entered as Ginny spotted Lavender Brown and Dean Thomas slip in through the front door. Colin Creevey enthusiastically snapped pictures from the side of the ballroom, and a silver-blond head wove its way through the crowd.
A silver-blond head...
Her eyes flickered back to the spot, and memories whirled back to her as Draco Malfoy stood there, politely chatting to her father, the Minister of Magic. His impeccable gray robes brought out the stunning silver of his eyes, and Ginny noted that he had become more muscular and less of the scrawny Slytherin she had once known. Had it really been five years already? She could still feel his hot breath in her ear, his long fingers roaming her skin…
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
A memory flashed by her eyes, how she had once been the “spunkiest little Gryffindor”, channeling Gryffindor courage to help fight in the Ministry in fourth year and at Hogwarts in fifth. She had once been Ginevra Weasley, fastest Chaser that the Gryffindor Quidditch team had seen for half a century, rebellious, mischievous, and almost as good as Hermione at Potions, much to the disappointment of Snape.
But what was she now? She was still Ginevra Weasley, the shell of her former life; she was still the girl everyone knew from Hogwarts – or the one everyone thought they knew.
Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
She had missed him so much – missed the way he hugged her, missed the way he looked at her after she said something particularly clever (or stupid, for that matter), missed the way he teased her and kissed her – she missed him.
How was it that he could make her feel so secure, just by holding her in his arms? Just by hugging her, his chin propped on her hair, his arm around her shoulder, he had made her feel special – as if there was no one else. As if she was the only girl that existed.
And she loved it.
Now I can’t breathe
No, I can’t sleep
I’m barely hanging on
Her breath still hitched just at the mere thought of him – and then she would rebuke herself for being such a schoolgirl. Her thoughts at night were wracked with memories of him, and when she actually slept, her dreams clouded over with him, his disfigured head floating in an endless space, the trademark smirk wiped off, replaced by the smile always reserved for her. And she would reach out – praying that her fingers would interlock with his – but she would wake up, curled into a ball, shivering.
Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
He was her confidante. She had run to him when she wanted to cry, when she needed someone who would listen to her, and care about her. And he had listened – his eyes thoughtful as he stroked her hair and whispered hopeful thoughts that brightened her day.
And then her world shattered.
Now all that’s left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
“So, Draco. This is the girl that you’ve... chased after this year.” Blaise Zabini’s eyes were filled with mirthless laughter as he stood face-to-face with Ginny, both their wands pointed and ready to aim. The war was horrifying and gruesome. Harry was off in the middle of it, locked in a deadly battle with Voldemort, and around her, members of the Order of Phoenix were fighting Death Eaters.
She was panting, trying to catch her breath – wondering what Draco would say. Please...
Draco looked down at Ginny from the tip of his pointed nose, and his gray eyes frosted over with disgust. “Zabini, why would I see such a foul creature that enjoys the company of Mudbloods? And a Weasley to boot.”
“I – ” Ginny’s mouth fell open, and the way he was looking at her – as though she were a piece of filth on his robes – made her heart ache just to look at him.
Zabini smiled, thin lips curled in a sneer, and raised his wand to perform the Killing Curse.
So this is how I die... Ginny thought miserably. Next to the person I thought I loved – the person I thought would defend me at all costs.
“Expelliarmus!” Ginny hissed before Zabini could say anything, feeling rage pour through her – but she couldn’t think of any spell to use other than the Disarming Spell. His wand flew into her hand, and she stood above him, wand pointed at his throat, and Petrified him.
Meeting Draco’s eyes one last time, she slowly snapped Zabini’s wand in half, pocketed her own, and walked away from him.
She didn’t hear the words that he said next.
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
It was pathetic, really, the way she had been when she got back to Hogwarts – after Harry had finally killed Voldemort. He haunted her dreams for months afterward, and made her flush when she looked at him.
He means nothing to me... she repeated, over and over again. What followed was determination.
She would never let him see how she felt. She would live life to its fullest – if only to prove to him that she could survive perfectly well without him.
Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Ginny became an Auror after Hogwarts, and was sent on a mission to find Death Eaters – any Death Eaters that had survived the war with Voldemort.
Hesitantly, she stepped into the hideout, wand raised and ready, when she heard a shuffling noise inside.
Someone was already inside, running his hands along the remains of robes, analyzing the filth and dirt in the place.
“Ginny,” he whispered, voice strangled, hair disheveled.
I’m not going to show him how much I care...
... I really should kill him...
She raised her wand, ready to hex him, and then her eyes locked with his. Reaching out slowly, he grasped her hand, his long fingers dancing on her smooth palm – but she pushed him away abruptly, brushing imaginary dust off her robes and turning away as if he didn’t exist.
I’m not going to cry... she repeated, eyes welling up.
And she turned and Apparated away before he could see the tears spill out onto her cheeks.
Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Ginny stood at the ball, memories flooding through her mind, and a voice cut into her ear.
“Dance?”
Draco watched her keenly, silver eyes pleading for forgiveness, hand on hers. Say yes...
“Thanks, but I’d rather not,” she whispered, looking away so he wouldn’t see her eyes.
As if in slow motion, she walked outside the ballroom to the balcony, sitting on a chair – still holding her pineapple cocktail.
The luminous moon shone down on her skin, and she felt peaceful for a moment---until she felt silver eyes boring into her head. Without looking, she gave an odd half-grin to nobody in particular and addressed him.
“You know---at Hogwarts, I used to think that the war would end, only Voldemort and his true followers would die, and Harry’s side would win. I imagined getting married and having maybe two or three kids – two girls, one boy – with blond hair and brown eyes. But…dreams don’t always come true, do they?”
“I—“
“I loved you, Draco,” Ginny murmured, her voice slightly cracking, and the knuckles gripping the glass steadily turning white. “But you didn’t love me back. Funny how these things happen.” It was said as a statement, not a question.
“I---I never said that.”
Ginny whipped around to face him. “You had the nerve to tell Zabini that you hated me, despised me, thought of me equal to a Mudblood! If that’s love --- I love you too!”
“But I can explain---“
“Don’t bother, there isn’t an explanation. Obviously I’ve always thought of you the wrong way.” Ginny shook her head, her sheet of red hair hanging like a curtain over her face. A lone tear slipped down her cheek, and she looked at the stars, hoping he wouldn’t see the tear – but at the same time hoping he would, hoping that he would gently brush the tear away and kiss the place where it had fallen just as he had so many years ago. “You’re not the person I thought you were. I thought you would love me, thought you would defend me – I thought you were someone else. Nothing good ever comes from thinking too much, does it?” Her voice was harsher than she had meant it to be, her head ached, and her heart felt like a cracked lump of cold, hard stone.
“I wish I could love you and live the life we had before, but there’s no way that could happen.”
His eyes were closed, mouth in a straight line. You’ll never understand...
Finally opening his eyes, Draco gazed at her for a few minutes, his hand outstretched, before he shook his head as if to clear it. She heard the click of the doorknob as the warmth and light from inside spilled through.
And then he paused, and looked at her – and she dared to hope, hope against hope that he would love her again. “The thing I said to Zabini---It was a façade. If I had said the latter, both of us would have been killed. But I guess you just don’t understand.”
Another rush of wind, and the door closed. Draco was gone.
A pineapple cocktail shattered on the balcony and tears spilled onto the floor.
fin
The End.
Lyrielle is the author of 3 other stories.
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This story is a favorite of 5 members. Members who liked But You Won't Get to See the Tears I Cry also liked 530 other stories.
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