Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: Someone finds a "Good Wife For Life" site on the Internet, but Ginny gets to the package first. Who in the wizarding world wants a mail-order-bride, and what'll happen when this ordeal is signed/sealed/delivered?
You've Got Mail
Epilogue: I'm Yours!
After perpetuating the joke for another week, Draco Malfoy eventually released Ginny Weasley from her supposedly "legal binding contract." However, he did insist on becoming better acquainted with his "birthday present." This resulted in quite a whirlwind courtship, complete with thoughtful presents and quippy dialogue and sweet lovin', all of which were much appreciated by both parties.
Unfortunately, in spite of their mutual compatibility, Ginny continued to rebuke Draco's assumptions that they would get married. She confessed one day that she thought the whole affair really was an elongated joke for him. Among other things, she told him that she was afraid of becoming a "packaged deal," and loathed the idea of being "signed, sealed, and delivered." She might have also been under quite a bit of stress from working overtime at the post office and hearing quite a lot of mail-oriented idioms.
Fortunately, Draco knew the perfect way to assuage her worries. "Why, Weasley," he told her. "You might have come as my present, but I am yours. In fact, if I had the patience, I'd send you all my love... every day... in a letter... sealed with a kiss." And then he plopped down on one knee, with an imploring look in his mercuric eyes. "Now, boxy lady, won't you come to your senses and marry me?"
Through watery eyes and a sweet smile, she agreed, and they set a wedding date then and there. After Ginny finished her thesis on the comparison between Muggle and wizard communicative technology, the two were wed.
The wedding invitations bore striking resemblances to stamps, and, at the reception, three shady characters were seen passing out flyers for a particularly successful website. The Weasley twins looked particularly worried yet amused. Ronald Weasley had his usual temper tantrum, but was soothed by a particularly festive Luna Lovegood. Harry Potter showed up, but his adventurous curious side got the better of him, and he wandered through Malfoy Manor with his intelligent sidekick, Hermione Granger. They were found locked in a broom closet one week later, and tied the knot a year after that. Percy Weasley hooked up with Mei at the wedding, and she now speaks excellent English, though it tends to be disconcertingly focused on cauldron bottoms.
Why did things turn out so well? Why had Draco Malfoy continued the charade, and why had he decided to pursue Ginevra Weasley? Perhaps he'd had no control over his mother's infernally whimsical gifts or enthusiastic endorsement of "Winternet" sites. Perhaps he had admired the twin brothers' business sense and had been highly entertained by the twinly idea of "pay back" for the hot flaming hair prank his bride had pulled. Perhaps he had wanted to play his own prank on them afterwards, since the very same brothers had "accidentally" sold him a canary crème the week before the incident, and his admiration for their business sense had been sorely tempered by the fact that he had been fairly avian for roughly two hours. Perhaps he'd enjoyed seeing the youngest Weasley in a long, unwieldy veil. Or perhaps he'd had his eye on her all this time anyway, so it all worked out rather well, really.
In any case, Ginny eventually informed her favorite husband that she had the ultimate gift for him. And, nine months after their wedding, she delivered a charming baby girl with pink hair. As she handed the caterwauling bundle to the new father, she smiled at him and said,
"Draco Malfoy... You've got mail."
Author's Notes Note 1: There's a song by Stevie Wonder entitled, "Signed, sealed, delivered -- I'm yours!" I thought it was particularly fitting for some extra wrapping, and it fit the number of chapters I wanted in the story. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signed,_Sealed,_Delivered_(I'm_Yours))
Note 2: There's also a song called "Sealed with a Kiss" that's been covered by quite a few people. I kind of like the idea of Draco enjoying cute-yet-sappy mid 1900s tunes. Especially after hearing his bride talk in post office terms. (http://www.lyricsdownload.com/gary-lewis-and-the-playboys-sealed-with-a-kiss-lyrics.html)
Note 4: Cheesey and highly improbable, I know. But I liked the mail-order-bride idea from http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/profile and figured that a few knuts could make cents (sense?) in that sort o' story. :)
Note 5: I hope you enjoyed it! :) Reviews and suggestions are always welcome.
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