Draco Malfoy did not consider himself a stupid person, and so when a girl that smelled nice and felt soft plastered herself against his body and kissed him like he was her dream come true, he kissed back with equal fervor. Determining who she was could wait until sometime after his lips went numb.

Before said numbness, he found his hand being grabbed and he allowed himself to be pulled out of the hallway and down a side corridor, away from the gasps and whispers of the crowd that had witnessed the kiss. There was red hair and a nice arse in front of him, leading to the identification of his mystery kisser as Ginny Weasley. He wondered vaguely whether she was setting him up for either a severe beating or an epic prank, but decided he could handle himself either way, and maybe she'd just been overcome by lust and was preparing to ravish him in a broom closet.

"Come on," she said, building his hopes for option number three. "I think Luna probably managed to get to the rendezvous point."

Feeling his eyebrows shoot up practically to his hairline, he said, "I had no idea the two of you were that... close."

"You have no idea," she muttered. "If you're ever about to have your life end and someone jumps in to save you, don't think, don't pause, don't hesitate for a moment, just spit in her eye. Death, dishonor and disownment might have been better than kissing you."

Ah. Well, ravishment was always the long shot. "So, am I to be killed by your horde of brothers, or just humiliated in front of a large audience of the hoi polloi that the school laughingly considers my peers?"

"What?" She stopped to look at him quizzically, then shrugged. "Look, just come this way. I'm letting the two nutters explain it to you themselves."

The mention of nutters was not reassuring, but her arse really was pretty great, so he followed it into the alcove behind a tapestry, ignoring the grumbling of the dancing medieval witches on the front. Lovegood was already there, seated on a dusty sofa and looking rumpled but happy as Blaise Zabini sheepishly pulled his hand away from her knee. "Loony. Lovegood."

"Don't call her that," Weasley snapped.

"He called me that," Blaise said with a smile. "Don't worry, you'll learn Draco-speak soon enough."

Weasley scowled and crossed her arms over her chest, throwing herself down on the sofa next to the canoodling couple and sending a cloud of dust through the air. "I'd like to state again for the record that I think this plan is stupid and insane, will never work, and, in conclusion, ew."

"But Ginny," was all that Lovegood managed to say, her eyes wide and her hand lifting to her throat, before Weasley rolled her eyes and held up a hand.

"Just... You do the explaining. If I have to say it, I'll be sick."

Draco looked at Blaise, who shrugged, still holding Lovegood in his lap. "My mum can't find out about me and Luna, so you and Weasley will be our camouflage."

Shuddering at the thought of what Blaise's mother would do to a little rabbit like Lovegood, Draco said, "What does said camouflaging involve?"

"You and Ginny will be a couple, and that way no one will pay attention to me and Blaise." It was a very Lovegoodian statement, managing to simultaneously sound completely mad and eminently logical. "We can even spend time together in public, since we'd be the best friends of a dating couple, although I'd have to learn to keep my hands to myself."

Draco thought about this for a moment. On the one hand, he'd spend time pretending to date a very hot girl, and might parlay it into kissing and/or groping privileges. He'd absolutely piss off his least favorite three people in the world, mildly annoy his parents, and surprise those people out there who thought they knew him. He'd be owed a favor by Blaise and Lovegood, and while the latter was a bit out of the norm, she was the heiress to the second largest wizard media outlet in Britain, a paper with an even bigger circulation than the Prophet since the Potter interview. The other hand? Maybe it could be used to collect overflow from the first hand, which had a lot going for it. "All right."

"All right? All right?" Weasley's shriek was downright painful to hear as she leapt to her feet. "How could you possibly be all right with this?"

"Why, Weasley," he said, making sure he was wearing the facial expression that even McGonagall thought was sincere innocence. "I'm helping a friend, because that's what Slytherins do. Don't tell me that you Gryffindors would let someone's homicidal mother remove the threat to her self-perception as an eternally youthful beauty?"

"We tend to lack homicidal mothers," she said snootily, her arms once again crossed over her chest. Lovegood cleared her throat significantly and Weasley muttered, "Most of the time. Some of the time. All right, only when the twins are out of the country. The point is, this is stupid and shouldn't be necessary."

Lovegood put a hand to her throat again, and Weasley sighed like a spent balloon, even slumping physically. "I know, I know. It is, I will, and we'll see."

Shooting a look at Blaise, Draco was only mildly reassured by the other boy's shrug. Figuring he'd get the whole story later, Draco put his arm around Weasley's shoulders and leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Will you be my girl?"

"Does that actually work for you? Ever?" She was looking at him and sneering, and he couldn't repress a slight smile at seeing the very Malfoy expression (centuries of family portraits didn't lie) on a Weasley face. "You do realize it's only in public, my clothes stay on at all times, and I reserve the right to break your fingers and neuter you if I feel the need, don't you?"

He shrugged. "I'll take my chances."

"Yeah, you'd have to catch him first," Blaise said with a laugh. "Malfoy's one hell of a runner."

With another dark expression, Weasley muttered, "He has to sleep sometime."

***

Really, he could've done without the sight of Lovegood's tongue. "Could the two of you possibly detach from each other long enough for Blaise to speak?"

Lovegood giggled and broke off. "You can't blame us. We got infested by nargles."

At Draco's mystified expression, Blaise pointed to the mistletoe lining the canopy of his bed. "Nargles are what makes mistletoe force kisses."

"Ah." The fact that it was April and not December rather made it clear that the 'nargles' were not unwelcome visitors. "So, would one or both of you like to explain further what this deception is all about? I got the gist, but I must admit to a burning curiosity about the details."

Blaise shrugged. "We're in love."

Draco didn't know Lovegood all that well, but he could've sworn she twitched at that statement. Sounding a bit less dreamy than normal, she chimed in, "Yes. But, Blaise says his mother is dangerous, and I couldn't possibly tell my daddy that I'm seeing Blaise - not before he had a chance to check him over, you see?"

"Afraid he might have nargles?" Draco said, starting to feel amused.

"Oh, no!" Lovegood said, her eyes wide. "Venereal disease."

Laughing out loud was absolutely necessary at that point, and Blaise's outraged squawk only made Draco laugh harder. "You're smarter than you look, Lovegood."

She nodded amiably. "I'll have to get to know you better before I can pass judgment on whether the same applies to you. I always tend to think handsome boys must be stupid or rude."

"Malfoy's both," Blaise said with a bit of a snarl. "Except he's also ugly, so your theory might not be any good there."

"Oh, no, he's quite handsome. I wouldn't force Ginny to pretend to go out with an ugly boy. No one would believe it, because she's so pretty. Don't you think?" Lovegood smiled at both of them, completely oblivious to having armed a conversational land mine.

A brief exchange of glances had Blaise throwing himself on the bomb by declaring, "You're much prettier," and planting a kiss on Lovegood. Draco decided he'd make his escape before he was forced to see their tongues again, despite it meaning that he passed up the chance to assert that she'd dated Potter, and he was much, much uglier than Draco. Not that Draco was ugly.

***

This time, it was Draco who dealt the surprise kiss, having spotted Weasley and Lovegood from across the library and inconspicuously made his way over. Weasley had been so startled that she bit his tongue. "Glad to know you won't be responding well to any random man invading my territory."

"Boy," she said softly, barely concealing her glare.

"If this is how you act when you miss me," he drawled, sitting on the edge of the table and leaning so he was directly in front of her, "I'll never leave your side."

Lovegood cleared her throat, and Weasley's building rage was restrained to heightened color and eyes sparkling with anger - which was rather a good look for her. Draco speculated whether she'd look like that during sex, or whether her eyes would be softer, sleepier, with her lids half closed and... A sharp thump on his leg made him shift to sit properly in a chair, although it was the one directly next to hers. "So, what do you want to do this afternoon?"

"If you'd been listening while I was talking to you, you would know I have to study." It amazed Draco how he could practically hear the threads of her patience snapping, just like the quill she held.

Before Lovegood could do something with her throat again - he'd really have to find out what that was all about - he said, "Well, that's nowhere near as fun as going to my room, but I suppose I could accommodate you this time. Because I'm the best boyfriend you've ever had."

"Sadly, that's probably true." Weasley sighed, wiping her hand on the handkerchief he'd given her. "Not that that's anything to write home about."

He smirked. "Well, it's obvious your previous--" He caught the way her grip shifted on the broken quill shaft, as if preparing to spear it through his eyeball. "You know, why don't I just sit quietly here and do my own work? Blaise can bring my books over if I could just... borrow your quill?"

Weasley looked at him mutinously, but at least lowered her makeshift weapon. "Just go tell him. We can survive without you."

"I'll go tell him." Lovegood popped out of her chair and smiled. "You two just stay here and share in the companionable silence that only truly compatible people can achieve."

She floated away, humming, and the two remaining at the table looked at each other before shrugging and looking away.

It was quite some time later that Luna and Blaise interrupted an argument over whether it was best to write the way you wanted to (Ginny's opinion) or what the professor wanted (the only really sensible option). Draco smirked as he looked up to note that Lovegood's normally somewhat off-kilter appearance perfectly disguised that her hair was mussed and her clothes slightly askew. "You were gone long enough. I almost succumbed to the little Weasley's charms and ravished her right here on the table."

The proposed ravish-ee rolled her eyes. "You know, I don't demand much of you as a boyfriend, but do you think you could attempt my first name? It'd have the added bonus of not giving anyone the impression you're attempting to have it off with Ron."

"Of course." He gave her a peck on the lips before taking his arithmancy text from under Blaise's arm.

"Well?"

He looked up at her and raised an eyebrow at her posture - crossed arms, tapping feet, pursed lips... All she was missing was a ruler to wave threateningly and she could've out-fussed McGonagall. "Well what?"

"Do you even know my name?" She looked down at him with a supercilious expression. "I'll bet you don't, because Malfoys are too high and mighty to bother with the individual identities of--"

Cutting her off with a kiss (although he didn't quite dare attempt using his tongue again just yet, as it was still slightly sore from earlier), he said, "Shut up, will you, Ginny?"

"Oh." She was satisfactorily nonplussed, and he turned back to his textbook, content with how off balance he had made her. He'd never considered this strange pseudo-courtship as a way of winding someone up, but it was quite effective, and enormously fun.

***

"Hello, darlings!" Luna planted a kiss on each person's cheek, even if one of the three was a bit closer to the lips than the others. "Wasn't the moon dance lovely?"

"If you tell anyone I said this I may yet kill you, but it was." Draco smiled, then grunted as Ginny slammed her elbow into his gut. It was at moments like this he regretted having won the battle over how far away his girlfriend's chair would be when they were hanging out together in the library. It made it much too easy for her to indulge in the violence she insisted was playful and affectionate, despite the bruising. "What? I said I liked it! I had no idea Hogwarts even had those... whatever they were."

"Mooncalves," said Luna helpfully, settling in her chair that was a bit too close to Blaise to seem casual. "Muggles think they're actually dead baby cows, can you believe it?"

Draco exchanged a glance with Ginny that conveyed that they could believe it, given how ugly the things were, but that neither would say so for fear of hurting Luna's feelings. It amazed Draco anew how expressive Ginny's eyes were, and his stomach tied itself into its now-customary knot as he tried to work out just when he'd stopped pretending that he liked her. And she might like him, too. Granted, she still insulted him constantly and subjected him to random violence, but there was less enmity in it. And voluntarily increased the time they spent together by contractual agreement, without even Luna reaching for a lozenge.

Next week was a Hogsmeade weekend, and he'd talked to Blaise about the advisability of separating during the day, to separate secluded locations. If it was a nice day, he'd take Ginny out to a sunny meadow, suitably cleared of any animal droppings, badly placed rocks, or allergens; the Malfoy lawncare spells would come in handy there. If it was raining, there was a small cottage at the edge of town that Draco had bought with his pocket money years ago. Although, he'd probably just tell her they were sneaking in or some such, as she might get the wrong idea if he hustled her into a building with a genuine bedroom available. Best to get her to admit she could tolerate her before attempting to get physical. Much as he'd love to see her naked, he'd love to keep his bollocks attached to his body even more.

Lost in thoughts of the cost/benefit analysis of making a move, he barely noticed that Blaise and Luna had wandered off into the stacks for their usual book search which resulted in swollen lips and no books. Ginny snickered and whispered in his ear, "Pondering your annual hair product budget?"

He turned and looked at her intently, enjoying her surprise at finding herself with her lips an inch away from his. "Actually," he said softly, "I was thinking about whether our children would require hair dye budgets. It can't be easy to go through life with pink hair."

Giggling, she swatted at his arm. "They'd be Weasley red and you know it. My Weasley genes could beat up your puny Malfoy ones any day of the week."

"But that'd be tragic!" He put his hands over hers and looked deeply into her eyes. "Malfoys and Weasleys both tend to have male children, and I think your family is proof enough that flaming tresses and cinnamon flecked skin only happens on girls. On boys, it's just garish spots and a pumpkin colored mop."

"I'd object," she said thoughtfully, "but Ron pretty much clinches the argument in your favor."

He held out his hand for her to shake. "Then it's agreed; we have blond boys and red haired girls. Except, maybe one blonde girl, too, for my mother."

"Oh, sure," she said, slapping his hand away. "I'll just get right on with producing junior Malfoys to order, shall I? Because neither of our families would object at all."

With a shrug, Draco said, "You saw the note from my father."

"Yes, how flattering. 'Don't sleep with her unless you're serious, you know how those Weasleys breed.'" Ginny rolled her eyes. "Between that and the 'at least she's a pureblood' my heart is positively warmed."

Grinning, he said, "Hey, there were no threats of death or disinheritance. That's practically laying out the red carpet."


"Yes, well, I can't say the same about what my family's reaction would be." She turned away to pick up her quill, and he frowned.

"Would be?"

Ginny looked up at him with a startled expression. "Well, yes. I told Ron the truth, and he's not going to tell our parents because... Well, my father doesn't like your father. At all."

"Ah." Draco looked down at his textbook, flipping it open at random and then turning it so that it faced right way up. There was no reason why he should be hurt, because all they'd agreed to was to be seen out in public together at least three times a week, with mild touching as needed to be convincing. And it made sense that she'd tell her brother the truth, since the boy was an orangutan and wouldn't understand subtlety if it came in a pack of chocolate frogs. It was eminently logical.

His thoughts were interrupted by her jabbing a finger into his side. "Come on, don't be that way."

"What way?" He looked at her with what he hoped passed for genuine puzzlement. "I'm just getting back to my schoolwork. It'd be fairly humiliating not to pass after being essentially held back a year."

"Just like everyone else, you mean."

"Didn't you know? Malfoys have to pretend to be better than everyone, even if they aren't." Granger looked down at them with her usual expression of gloating superiority, which she really had no right to. He saw her smirk and raised her a sneer, which she ostentatiously ignored by turning her back on him. "Ginny, can you come with me a moment? I need to talk to you. Privately."

Ginny shot a mystified glance at Draco, who just shrugged. He'd been expecting the lecture about how she shouldn't allow herself to be tainted by his evil to happen much sooner... Although, hadn't her brother told Granger? It seemed odd that he wouldn't. Maybe Granger was just going to ask for help getting her hair to stop resembling a dandelion clock. Regardless, Draco had no objection to spending a moment alone; maybe he'd actually figure out what book was in front of him.

Too soon after Ginny's departure to a discreet distance to be a coincidence, the other two members of the gruesome threesome appeared at the table and sat down, nasty expressions firmly in place. "We don't like it, Malfoy."

"I'm not a fan of arithmancy either, Potter, but not all of us get given good marks solely because of how famous we are." Draco looked down at his book once more, determined not to let either of the pinheads get to him. This little talk was also to be expected, and even if he still cordially loathed the pair, Ginny would appreciate it if he could be polite. Total lack of interaction looked like the best way to accomplish that.

Weasley knocked the book out of his hand. "No, see, we're going to talk and you're going to listen. You need to stop making cow eyes at Ginny."

"If 'cow eyes' is anything like the revolting spectacle of the way you follow Granger around like a puppy, I have never nor will ever engage in a similar practice towards anyone." Draco sneered, and tried to pick up his book again. "I assure you, there are no bovines in my ancestry; I can't speak for the Weasleys or the Potters."

"Except for your mother, the total cow."

Draco froze, then carefully placed his book down on the table. "What did you say?"

"He said your mum's a cow," said Potter, enunciating each word clearly. "She's a coward and about as warm as a block of ice."

"My mother," Draco said, each word sharply enunciated, "saved your miserable life, risking her own in the process."

Distantly, he could hear Weasley nervously saying Potter's name, but no one was paying attention to him. Potter sat back, smiling offensively, and said, "Only because she knew I'd win. She didn't even have the guts to stand by what she believed in - just went with whatever let her come out ahead. And if it meant being a lying, cowardly traitor--"

Draco cleared the table in a leap, knocking Potter over in his chair as he went for the bastard's throat in a fit of pure rage. They were rolling around, too busy attempting to kill each other to even hurl insults, until Draco managed to get his hands on Potter's head and bash it against the floor. He'd done it twice, and then he found himself hurled backwards and unable to move.

There was a lot of shouting, a mass exodus to the Hospital Wing, more shouting, and at the end of it, Draco had a week's detention with Madame Pince, Potter got off with no consequences as usual, and not one single person asked for Draco's side of it. Ginny hadn't even bothered to look at him, just fussed over Potter like he was a martyred saint. It wasn't fair, and Draco was practically boiling over with rage, and the longer he had to think about it, the worse it got.

So, when Ginny finally came down to the alcove where they'd taken to hanging out while Blaise and Luna had some private time a few tapestries away, it was unfortunate that her first words were, "I can't believe you'd attack Harry like that!"

"Why wouldn't I attack the wondrous Potter? I'm an evil Slytherin, remember?" He crossed his arms and glared at her, fully expecting a full-out fight to ensue.

Instead she just shook her head and said, "I shouldn't have forgotten. Goodbye, Malfoy."

***


Draco was in the library again when he felt a familiar kiss on his cheek and looked up with surprise. Luna patted his shoulder and said, "You look positively peaked."

He smiled at her as best he could. "Haven't you heard? I'm an albino. That's normal."

Peering into his eyes, she said, "I don't see very much pink - did you have your irises dyed? I heard it tickles a lot, although anything that tickles your eyeball is probably fairly painful."

"Probably." The smile turned a bit more genuine. "Where's your other half? I'm not used to seeing you without a looming dark shadow in your wake."

Luna drooped noticeably, and her smile became as fake as Draco's had just been. "We... We just... It wasn't real."

Draco blinked, hard. "What are you talking about?" He'd watch two of them together, and he'd thought they reminded him of his parents. Not in any physical way, and especially not in terms of personality, but in the way they were connected on a level that went beyond the cheap and easy love that countless singers warbled about on the wireless. That's why it had been so easy to accept the idea of Luna and Blaise as a couple, and of being friends with Luna; he'd anticipated her being with Blaise forever, and so it was just as well to be on good terms from the start.

Tears shimmered in her eyes, and he was sufficiently alarmed to sweep his books back into the bag and hustle her out of the library and away from prying eyes. Luna didn't cry when people were viciously cruel to her, a fact which had rendered her safe from Slytherin teasing since her first month at the castle. As it was, she held it together until he'd gotten her to privacy, at which point she started sobbing so hard that Moaning Myrtle went abruptly quiet and peered over at them curiously.

"What did you do to her, Draco Malfoy?" Myrtle hovered over them with a grim expression. "Did you pull her hair? Did you tell her she's ugly? Were you mean to her?"

"Bugger off, Myrtle, I didn't do anything." He knew he'd made a mistake as soon as the words left his mouth, and it was only reinforced when Myrtle dove into her toilet, shrieking and setting off a flood. Quickly, he lifted Luna onto one of the sinks before climbing onto the adjoining one and watching the water fan out across the bathroom floor and out into the hallway. "You'd think they'd install a drain, wouldn't you?"

Luna giggled. "They can't. Bad feng shui."

"Is that what caused your waterworks, too?" She sniffled and he said with alarm, "Don't start that again! You'll flood the whole castle!"

"Would I?" She considered this. "Well, maybe that would be better. I could go home and not have to tell you that you don't want to be my friend."

Sighing heavily, Draco wondered whether he could join a monastery. Not forever, just long enough to forget that all girls were totally insane. "Do you think, just this once, you could tell me everything directly instead of taking side trips to talk about interesting facts and animals?"

"I asked Blaise for help in getting you and Ginny together because I thought you'd be perfect for each other and he said yes and we were pretending to date so you two would spend time together but I really like him and he doesn't like me because I'm just Loony Luna and he's so wonderful and I made you and Ginny unhappy and I don't think I can fix it so I'm going to be alone again and you and Ginny and Blaise are all going to hate me and she won't even tell me why she stopped speaking to you and I like you even though you can be really rude and I wish we could stay friends but we can't because it'd be too hard to see Blaise all the time because I think I love him but he doesn't even like me."

Slightly dazed from her rapid recitation, Draco waited until she'd stopped for a breath, and then patted her shoulder awkwardly as she started sobbing again. "Blaise is an idiot. I thought you knew."

"All boys are idiots," she said with a sniff. "But I liked Blaise anyway."

He kept patting her shoulder, just from lack of anything better to do. "He likes you, too. And we'll be friends regardless, all right? You'll still get called a loony, though, just for hanging out with big bad Slytherins."

Throwing herself off her sink, Luna wrapped her arms around Draco's neck so tightly that he feared for his life. "I like big bad Slytherins!"

She'd just kissed his cheek when Blaise and Ginny were propelled into the room, followed shortly by the disturbing visage of Argus Filch. "Hanky panky in the loo, messing up my floors! Detention for all you rotters!"

"Only someone who has never gotten up to anything even vaguely resembling sex could possibly interpret this as 'hanky panky,'" Draco said with a sneer. "And if you don't know by now that Moaning Myrtle's the one who causes the floods, maybe you should let the cat handle the thinking from now on."

Filch seized Draco by the collar and started to frog-march him down the corridor, leaving the other three behind. He could only hope they'd be smart enough to take the escape he'd handed them on a silver platter.

***

When he finally was able to drag himself to his room, having spent the rest of the day and well into the evening scrubbing various truly vile locales throughout the castle, it was too see Blaise and Luna sitting on his bed and kissing enthusiastically. "Congratulations on regaining your collective sanity. I'm going to take a shower, and when I get back I expect to find peace and solitude."

Luna beamed up at him. "Thank you for your help! I'd kiss you, but you smell like a yeti."

"Not to mention all her kisses belong to me," said Blaise, pulling her close to resume the activities from before Draco had entered the room.

They were still at it when he came back, and he just sighed and flopped down on his bed as best he could with them sitting on one side of it. "Good luck, don't do anything that will wake me up, see you sometime tomorrow, maybe."

Blaise pushed him off his own bed. "We're here to say thank you."

"And to take advantage of your empty room while you were in detention," Luna said brightly. "But mostly to say thank you. Blaise heard us talking, you see, and then he told me I was being very stupid. Just because our plan failed due to overwhelming thickheadedness by our targets, doesn't mean that Blaise stops wanting to get into my pants."

"Yes, that sounds like Blaise," said Draco, still lying on the floor and pondering whether he had the energy to work up a decent homicidal rage. "But if he told you all he wants is your body, he's a low down dirty liar."

"I know. He tried to tell me that he's just crazy with nargles, but they're out of season, and anyway he didn't even try very hard to put his hand in my blouse. Ginny tells me that's how you can tell whether a boy wants to date you or just fuck you."

That motivated Draco to lift his head to stare at her in disbelief before letting his head fall back to the floor with a thump. "Please can you go live happily ever after elsewhere? I need to sleep before spending the entirety of a Hogsmeade Saturday enduring Filch."

Blaise started to make a snide comment, but Luna slipped off the bed and knelt beside Draco to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you. Your bed is very comfortable - you should get in it so the Borrowers don't think you've been discarded and adopt you as their own."

"I'll keep that in mind," he muttered, watching them leave with their arms around each other. He hauled himself up by clutching the side of the bed and pulled the blanket over his shoulders, grateful that at least one thing had worked out the way it should. Two things, if you counted Ginny being with Scarhead. It wasn't right for the heroine to be with the villain; only the golden boy would do. The world was a better place for having her live the fairy tale.

The thought wasn't much comfort as he turned over and tried to go to sleep.

***

Of all the humiliating and fiendish tortures Filch could have devised, nothing could have been worse than Mrs. Norris taking a liking to Draco and planting herself on his shoulder to lick his face into oblivion. Even apart from this being Mrs. Norris, pure evil in feline form, her breath was the stuff nightmares are made of. It wasn't fishy or decayed or anything specific, just a combination of odors that shut down the brain's ability to function and just added up to a sort of primal foulness that made him pray for death. Every time he tried to dislodge her, she'd sink her claws into him and Filch would give a consumptive sort of laugh that ended as wheezing and coughing. Draco was starting to wonder whether he could manage to somehow kill himself with the mop he was wielding on yet another random corridor.

"Look, Harry, we should sell tickets! A Malfoy's doing an honest day's work!" Apparently the corridor wasn't random enough, given Weasley's presence.

"And doing it badly." Potter sneered and pointed to a perfectly clean patch of floor. "You missed a spot."

"Bugger off, Potter, no one needs you for anything." Draco turned away, giving Mrs. Norris a pat on the head as he dunked his mop back into the bucket.

Unfortunately, his extraordinary restraint in not trying to wind Potter up was for naught, as Weasley and Potter were apparently in the mood to make Draco suffer. They stamped heavily past, leaving tracks all over the floor he'd just cleaned, while exchanging witticisms on Draco's ancestry, intelligence, and suitability for menial labor. He just kept mopping, until Weasley snorted out, "Don't know how Ginny could've thought he was worth anything."

"I guess she just likes making friends with evil gits," Potter said, kicking the bucket over after Weasley gave him a shove.

It might have been an accident... Just like it might have been an accident that Draco stuck out the mop in just such a way that it tangled in Potter's feet, leaving him face down in mucky water. Filch was laughing so hard at the whole scene that medical intervention might be necessary, and Potter shooting to his feet in outrage only to slip and fall once more didn't help.

The next time Potter stood, he did it slowly, with Weasley's help. As soon as Potter was safely on his feet, Weasley said venomously, "Don't think we won't tell Ginny about this. Luna's been trying to talk rubbish at her all day, but Ginny knows you're a git who attacks Harry every chance he gets."

"Am I?" Draco smiled lazily, the way he always did when he'd gone beyond temper and well into a chilly and vengeful sanity. "How very nice for her. And as thanks for telling me... Have some pussy."

Mrs. Norris did not take kindly to being thrown, and expressed this by making a spirited attempt to claw Weasley's face into tiny freckled shreds. Weasley attempting to defend himself brought Filch into the fray, determined to protect his cat, and Potter got knocked down again amidst the flailing limbs. Draco was now the one in imminent danger of oxygen deprivation as he leaned on his mop and laughed until he couldn't laugh any more.

Eventually Mrs. Norris streaked away, Filch in hot pursuit while still shouting threats over his shoulder. Potter and Weasley slunk off to the Hospital Wing, and Draco sighed and got back to mopping. He almost jumped out of his skin when someone started clapping.

"That was a hell of a show." Ginny looked him over with an ironic little half smile on her lips. "Is there a matinee tomorrow?"

"It depends on the cat's availability. She's a real prima donna." Draco picked up the bucket and wrung out his mop. "Did you need something? I'm a bit behind schedule."

She took a step away, then stopped. With her back still to him, she said, "What happened in the library the other day?"

"I thought you knew already," Draco said, starting to mop up the spilled water again. "I attacked Scarhead. Happens all the time."

Shaking her head, she turned back to him. "No it doesn't. What did you say before you attacked him? And what did he say?"

Draco shrugged. "Does it matter?"

When she only nodded, he shrugged. "If I recall correctly, he called my mother a frigid cow. And a liar, and a traitor."

Ginny looked shocked. "But... He told us your mother lied to Voldemort to hide the fact that he was alive. To protect you, mostly, but she still saved Harry's life and made Voldemort's defeat possible."

"Yes, well, there was also mention of her being an opportunist," Draco said casually, working hard to fake it. "Although not in so many words, since I doubt Potter's vocabulary extends that far."

Drawing her arms up in front of her, Ginny said softly, "You still attacked him, though. Both times."

"And I will again." Draco turned his back on her and went back to mopping, but then tossed the mop down and whirled to grab her by the shoulders and shake. "How can you still think Scarhead is perfect? What makes you think I could possibly just let him say whatever he wants to say without responding? And what kind of man would I be if I just let him talk that way about my mother?"

She broke out of his grip but didn't step away. "Not much of one... And he's not perfect, but he's been my friend for a long time - and he'll probably always be my brother's best friend."

"Right." Before Draco could walk away, she'd tossed her arms around his neck and started kissing him with enthusiasm. When she stopped, all he could say was, "I... don't understand."

With a wicked little grin, she patted his chest. "Just promise you won't start any fights when you come over for dinner. At least wait until you're outside so my mum doesn't kill you for ruining her table."

"Still confused," he said, but leaned down to kiss her because he wanted to and it didn't seem as if she'd object.

"I like you," she said, quite a few moments later. "I think you like me, don't you?"

Feeling completely at sea but willing to go along with whatever was causing the rapid changes, he shrugged. "Yes?"

"Well, the only logical thing if we like each other is to try dating for real, don't you think?" All he could do was nod. Nod, and pray that he'd someday understand what had happened here. "So, we're dating, and if we're still dating by the end of term, you'll have to come over to dinner and meet my parents."

"Oh." A thousand comments on the likelihood of a Malfoy entering the Weasley family hovel ran through his mind, but he managed to prevent any of them from being spoken. "That would be... interesting."

"Yes, well, you'll have the rest of the term to practice being civil," she said. "That'll be important. That and breaking you of the belief that all Weasleys are bad except for me."

"But it's true, isn't it?"

She sighed and kissed him again. "We have a lot of work to do."

Author notes:

---

Very, very loosely based on a bit of the movie White Christmas, after a brainstorming session with Seegrim. Thanks again!