Wow, that's serious wine skills. I find this higly amusing, and I'd have to say that I find your Draco auristocratic and whatnot enough to still be Draco for me. He's not right on, but he's not painfully out of character, so it works. Good job.

Author's Response: It is amazing what a little research can do to make you seem smart! I\'m glad you like this Draco. It is hard to write something light that is also consistent with canon, so I\'m happy that I have been at least moderately successful. Thanks for reading and for the review.

This could be interesting. You're dialog is very realistic, and Malfoy is wonderfully playing the part of such a cliché bully that I'm almost dissapointed in him.

Author's Response: How so are you disappointed in him? Thanks for the review!

This is a pretty original plot. I hope you do it justice. It's really hard to tell from a first short chapter, but that was certainly a good start.

Okay, this is interesting, but what happened to the cold, calculating, brilliant blond boy we know from the sixth book. That ability to work, and inability to work with people, doesn't go away on its own. This is just a character check.

I think sometimes we get caught up because we, or at least of the majority of us, on this site love Draco. And think him the sexiest man alive in the Poterverse. But, we need to remember 1) That wasn't necessarily true in school, he's supposed to be pointy looking and 2) He's not nice. Not nice at all, ever, in any circumstance that we've seen. Ever. We've seen him love people, but really, only his mother. But have we ever really seen him treat someone decently? That's not to say he wouldn't, but you have to remember who you're dealing with. If you want to right a story about the perfect bachelor who doesn't know how to work, go ahead. But don't put it on this site, because, sorry, that's not Draco.


I just re-read that and I realize it's a little bit mean. But I'm not going to erase any of it. It's your right to know what I actually think. But also know I'm probably being overly critical. Almost every being on this site has this same problem. So don't let it discourage you, just notice it, and gain something from the fact that you know what mistake you're making when others don't.

I hate giving birthday presents and birthdays, generally. It's just kind of pointless for people to give you stuff you don't need then them to give them stuff they don't need. It's counter productive. And if anyone would be hard to buy for, it would be Draco. Well, anyway, good job and presenting that anxiety. I particularly liked Percy's present.

Author's Response: Birthday presents are painfully hard to buy! So good to hear the anxiety came through, thank you. Percy would never get anything that he didn\'t feel was useful ;)

This is really quite fascinating how you've fit this plot into Harry Potter. I don't think I've ever read a fic even close to this before. And that is amazing considering that I read fics for a couple hours a day when I have the chance.

Keep it up. I'd love to give you a decent suggestion, but the truth is that I was too into the fic to read it like a beta with a small part of the back of my mind as I usually do.

It should be interesting to see her attractions move from Blaise to Draco. I keep trying to decide whether I want Ginny and Blaise to kiss before it happens. Ah, well, obviously my mind is running away with itself. Still, it will be much better if you write it, so you really should get on it before I end up putting Luna and Snape together or the like. *_*

Good Job. I'm too into this story to waste the fun and analyse it. So, I don't really have anything worthwhile to say other than that. Just keep it up.

You updated. I squeeded. Really. And then remembered that I was in a library and should probably be quiet. XD

I think Tonk's role is wonderful. She fits into it very well. I mean, think about it. She's a very upbeat person, until you break her heart (HBP, anyone?) then she gets completely depressed. I can very muhc imagine her giving in to her arranged marriage because she was so broken by her lover's death. Then hating it, but living with that fact, and refusing to let her family control her. I do wonder, though, how she manages to keep Rookwood from hurting her for it. I don't think even she could keep her character through a really unhealthy or abusive marriage. How have they worked that out? Did she reform Rookwood a bit? Do they live in seprate sides of the house? How did she keep her spark. Because I don't think she could keep it if it got too bad.

Author's Response: Thank you! We\'ll find out a little bit more about Tonks\' marriage later on, and why she went along with it, but you\'re partly right - losing the love of her life would have been devastating enough to make her lose her will to fight it. But... Rookwood doesn\'t have a chance standing up to a Tonks whose been raised by Narcissa Malfoy, who knows what she wants and expects to be treated in a very specific manner, so if he steps out of line... well, you saw what happened to Draco. I think Rookwood got the raw end of that deal.

Wow. I'm really impressed with you. Somehow you are able to write romance without it seeming soppy, to me at least. It feels real and therefore it feels strong. Anyway, you're doing a really good job. This is one of my very favorite fics. Keep it up and don't worry about taking your time. I'd rather have that then have you start feeding us the crapy romance I read far to much of faster. ^a343;~

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I worry a lot about things getting sappy, because that stuff makes me squirm... There\'s a strange sort of twisted romance here that I love writing, and couldn\'t help but put into the fic (like when Draco speaks in metaphor, comparing Ginny to his broom - while on the surface, it\'s kind of horrid - because a broom is a dispensable inanimate object, but I find something about that so incredibly romantic).

You're a decent writer, but you need some originality. And the real problem isn't even the actual fic, this could end up very interesting, but the summary almost made me not want to read this even though I basically read everything that goes through here. People don't need to know beforehand that your plot is pretty much cliché, so don't tell them.

I'd also say you could make this very much more your own if you didn't use the some of the less quality clichés. For example, Draco bumped into Ginny and noticed that she had "turned into a very attractive woman". It sounds a little bit too much like a summer makeover. You would do better to base the relationship, especially the beginnings of it on things that are less physical and sexual, because a relationship based on those things never lasts in real life and if it lasts in your fic you've just very effectively recreated your fairy tale fantasies.

Keep working, though. Don't constantly worry about how original your work is; just take note of it occasionally. I always say that many things are only cliché because they're good. Simply make sure you only keep the good clichés that are good and that work for you. Otherwise they feel awkward and obnoxious.

Don't get discouraged. You have some real writing talent. And the people on this site, and on most, aren't out to get you. We want to help you reach your best potential. But some of us (especially me) will be very blatant to accomplish that purpose


Author's Response: I appreciate you taking the time to review, and especially being honest. I do agree with you about that line that I had Draco say (I\'m cringing as I type, thinking about it.) You\'ll be glad to hear I\'ve removed it. I\'ve also changed the the summary- it was really late when I submitted it, and my brain doesn\'t function enough for me to be bothered when I\'m really tired. It was really lazy of me, I\'ll admit. However I really don\'t worry about my fic being cliche at all. I really like reading cliched fics by other writers, and I think I just wanted to give people a realistic view of this one. Oh well, it\'s hopefully amended.

This was fun and amusing, but not exactly what I find as realistic. I do remember Blaise saying in book four "I wouldn't touch a blood traitor like her no matter what she looked like", referring to Ginny. One would think Draco's feelings would be very much the same, probably stronger. So, that's kind of giving me a problem.

But, while I was reading that I did kind of come up with a bit of a rebuttal to that: if Ginny and Harry had been dating for two years, it's the seventh book. And let's make the assumption that, as Draco is still living and able to come back to Hogwarts, he has in some way taken up Dumbledore's offer (even though Dumbledore is dead) and gotten protection from the order, denouncing his father. Let's assume, as Blaise is still talking to him, that he either wasn't affiliated with the Dark Lord, or he has, too, denounced him. And, as a result of both that and growing up (Do you remember the change between kids in middle school and high school?) they've become more adjusted accepting people. It doesn't really matter if anyone else knows Draco's story, but the readers should have some idea if you want them to buy his actions.

Anyway, my point is that, even if this is, at first glance, not quite plausible in cannon, I think you can make it so, it's just going to take a little back story. Mine was just a spur of the moment rationalization of Draco's actions in this chapter. As for Ginny, I think she's well done here. She's always had a little more backbone than most. And she's certainly the one to do that. (Do you remember what she did when Ron got mad for her snogging Dean?)

Oh, and one more note: I can't see Hermione aiding Ginny. She is more reasonable that Harry or Ron, but she backs them up, as a general rule. Are we to assume that she, unknown to us, has developed a strong enough relationship with Ginny that she'd help her hurt Ginny? I mean, Harry was in the wrong, but would Hermione really give Ginny tomatoes? I don't know. Maybe she would. But it's a distinct characteristic that I wouldn't have given Hermione, so you need to make sure to keep that kind of think consistent if you want it to hold up.

Good luck. I hope you keep writing. I'll watch this story to see what happens to it.




Author's Response: Wow, you really gave my story a lot of thought. I do tend to go off of canon. I just think the characters are so interesting, and I love the setting of Hogwarts. Maybe I\'ll come up with some author\'s notes to help people with my pov. Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed review.

If you really need one, I could beta for you. But, I'm already beting for a couple other people, so I'm not quick. Still, I wouldn't mind.

You can send me a personal message from this site or email me at priorincantatem@gmail.com

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I will email you once I\'ve edited the next chapter.

This is very interesting, but I thought I might let you know that for some reason whatever HTML you may have attempted, it didn't work. There's no spacing whatsoever in this entire chapter. It made it very hard to read, so you might want to fix that as soon as you possibly can. Thanks, and good job.

Author's Response: Thanks for the help. The spacing on the last chapter did the same thing and I had to change the HTML format. I completely forgot about it when I posted this chappie and I didn\'t know it was all barmy until I read your review. Thanks!!