Name: msm_2011simonebb reviewed Chapter 4 on May 05, 2011 05:13 pm

not sure, where i let off, on this great story!! so i am reading from this chapter.. now ginny know the real deal: draco being spy,etc.. great chapies, onward to the other chapters!!

Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, now we know a lot of the back story, but not quite all. That won't come out until later. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Name: Boogum reviewed Chapter 4 on Mar 25, 2011 07:35 pm

How embarassing for Draco to get caught in that situation, but it certainly was funny for me to read.

I liked this chapter, and there were some really lovely moments where I felt the emotions of the characters, but I do think you could work a bit harder on getting that emotion coming through the words. A lot of the time I felt the conversation was a bit abrupt and without feeling, if that makes sense. If you're struggling with getting the dialogue to show that emotion, then consider using action to emphasise what is not being said. I think it would make your characters much stronger and more believable.

That's not to say they are not believable. I just felt, particularly in this chapter since they were discussing such emotional things, that there was an almost robotic feel about the way they were saying the words, as if they were just reading scripts. I know you can get that emotion, so I really encourage you to keep that in mind for future chapters. This story has a lot of potential, and I think with a bit of polishing it could be something really special. ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I think I was trying to keep Ginny distant because she is trying to not get emotionally involved with him. But I do see your point. It's interesting that you reference a script because I have been a performer for years. Maybe I am used to just fleshing out the words and emotions for myself. That's not an excuse, but it's something I should be aware of when writing. As for using action to describe it, I noticed that I did not do that very much in much of the dialogue. I'm such a subtext kind of girl, and again, this is something I need to work on. I will keep this in mind as I continue working on this fic. It's kind of kicking my butt right now. Thanks again.